Something Tells Me This Straight Guy Has Had the Time of His Life

I came across this mattress on my way to the gym tonight. Something tells me that the ‘straight’ man sleeping on it has had gay company. Beautiful!

Who is this man and why haven’t we been introduced? And who is the man who turns straight men gay? I need to meet him too!

I would have definitely taken the mattress if it fit my bedframe.

5 Things That Tell He’s into You

Most single people have sometimes asked themselves if the person they are into feels the same way about them. I’ve come up with a few points that help me determine if a man is into me or not.

1. Looks: I’m an ordinary-looking fellow. If I make an effort, I can go from ordinary to good. If I don’t make any effort at all, I go down a notch. If a man thinks I’m very handsome, he probably has some kind of feelings for me because he doesn’t see my flaws. (But if he likes my butt, he might just like the butt. I do squats.)
2. Work: Pretty much the same goes for my work. When I write my CV, I say I work at a cool, cutting-edge creative agency where I hold a key position. If I’m being honest, my work is pretty much cutting and pasting. If a man thinks I’m very creative from what I’ve told him about my job, he’s either read my CV or he’s so intrigued by everything I say that he must be into me. (Or then I’ve been lying which I only feel like doing with idiots.)
3. Behaviour: I’m quite sociable and so are many men – until they’ve climaxed. I love a liedown after sex, when the two of you are on your backs catching breath, holding hands and not saying a word for a while. I love it when you fall asleep together. But if I say something meaningful and he doesn’t reply in full sentences, he’s probably not into me. Once a man said to me, after we had finished having sex at his place, that London has a most amazing night bus network. I took the hint and caught a bus.
4. Drinking: If a man sees me drunk and he thinks my behaviour is charming and not alarming, he probably gives me the benefit of the doubt and is into me. My drinking is not as bad as it sounds though. My rule is to have more days in a week without alcohol than with (even a glass of wine counts!).
5. Culture: If he reads, goes to the Tate, and loves the opera, and doesn’t mind that I read (Bridget Jones), go to the Tate (for the rooftop café), and love the opera (in the Eurovision Song Contest), he probably thinks highly of me and is into me.

Disclaimer: Even if it seems he’s into you, it might be that he’s just being nice. If this turns out to be the case, embrace it. He might make a hell of a friend.

Why I still Blame Society for Limiting my Chances as a Gay Man

When my country allowed same-sex marriage, I was asked many times if I would get married with my then boyfriend. How about adoption – would we consider it? I found it charming that people thought the whole world had changed overnight. But it hadn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy that the law passed and I do think it made the world a better place. But the law had changed, not me. When you grow up thinking that you would never have a husband nor children, you might accept that model in your head no matter how much you fought it.

Sometimes my heart isn’t able to keep up with changes in the law and people’s values. This is also reflected in my relationship with my family members.

I’m the youngest of my siblings. Once, when all of us were in our late teens or early 20s, we were talking about how we would name our future children. I had come up with a name for a future daughter but when I shared it with others, mum pointed out that I wouldn’t have any children because I’m gay. I felt both humiliated and disappointed.

Ten years later she was openly advocating for equal marriage and planning my future wedding (a straight child can be pissed off when parents do that but a gay child should be grateful). However, I’m afraid something had changed between us for good. Both mum and society had made me think I wasn’t fit for a husband or a parent and, sadly, I had bought that.

They say that for a nation to recover from the trauma of a war, it takes two generations after the one who’s lived the war. It might not take two generations for the LGBT+ community to get over their trauma but I’m afraid my generation didn’t get spared.

Also, I don’t have anyone to marry me for the moment. But once I find someone, I promise I will speed up the healing process.

Is It True what Mum Says – Do I Drink too much?

I was taking my recycling out and found quite a few empty wine bottles.

To be fair, it’s the festive season. If it was summer, it would be, well, Pimm’s and Aperol instead of wine.

A Christmas Party on a Wednesday – the Aftermath

I work from home this week, so I decided to throw a little Christmas party at mine on Wednesday evening. Try and organise a party on a Friday or Saturday in December – never gonna happen! I’m quite lucky to have flexible hours at the peak of the festive season unlike my guests who had to go to work in the morning. But they showed up because at least they didn’t have other plans.

It’s a funny thing, throwing a party. You very much anticipate it and prepare for it, but you don’t really get to enjoy it the way you had expected. Even if you were the only one at the party who could sleep in.

Last time I threw a party I was in a relationship. My other half (and when it comes to cuisine, definitely a better half) took care of the catering. This time it was just me doing the cooking and cleaning and serving, while having an occasional glass of wine and a cigarette. And that’s just the part before the guests arrived.

The most important thing about throwing a party, however, is knowing whom to invite. I did well, I have to say. I know lots of wonderful people in London but not all of them would live close enough or be a perfect match with each other. The ones I invited were able to stay quite late and had fun whether I was in the room or not. As a host, you don’t want to be irreplaceable.

After the party, as you finish whatever is left of your guests’ drinks (without mixing red wine with white because you’re classy), you realise you didn’t get the chance to bring up the funny topics of conversation you had in mind before the party. You forgot all the jokes. You didn’t play the coolest YouTube clips.

But they liked your pancakes.