It was fairly late that I started using gay dating apps. I’ve been lucky enough to meet many gay men in everyday social situations, some of them gorgeous too, so I thought I wouldn’t need any apps. But when you’re in your mid-thirties and single, you might not want to leave any stones unturned. Enter Grindr and Scruff!
I never dodged dating apps because I would have a problem meeting men just for sex. But hooking up is different online from what it is offline. When you meet someone offline, it’s easier to tell if you fancy them: you can read their looks, smell, touch, voice, behaviour… But if the decision to sleep with someone is merely based on a scant Grindr profile, it might go terribly wrong. That’s why I like to go on a date first.
(Gay men are quite liberal when it comes to dating. Straight people ask how many dates you need to have before a shag, gay men ask how many hours. When I had my first Grindr date, I felt very conventional going on just one date before sex. And sex came at the end of that first date. In a staircase.)
After using Grindr and Scruff for a few months I took some distance from them. I still have nothing against dating apps but I’m against the way some people behave on them. It caught my eye, for example, that many gay men who are not white need to specifically ask in their profiles not to be contacted for racist slurs. A good friend of mine was told that his cock isn’t big enough for a black man. I can tell you that not only was that comment racist but completely unfounded. I’ve got to enjoy his sizable member a number of times.
This applies to body shaming, too. A guy that I now consider a friend pointed out in his profile that he has a belly, not visible in his profile picture. The profile, one of the most charming I’ve bumped into on Grindr, read, “There is a belly underneath the T-shirt, just so you know.” I asked him if it was necessary to mention this – he’s very attractive, and even if he wasn’t. Just as we were having that conversation, he got a message from someone who called him “fat as a pig and ugly as fuck”.
Boy I wish these racists and body shamers contacted me only to be rejected for their idiotism! I would hate to accidentally have sex with one. For that, too, a pint before sex can be a good safety mechanism.